dimPLe

this weekend i have to say is a runaway weekend.
Just now i have finished reading my new book "answer me" by susanna tamaro.

Again i am bewildered.
but this time i end up crying, twice. Out of sadness, hatred, confussion. the situation described in this book is making me furious and sad. It seems that love can be so suffocating.  That love is disguised and again it is only ego shown. ego disguising as love. and weakness, weakness when you even actually have the chance to stand up for your self.. and for love. This book upsets me with the idea of letteing fear killing the love.. and leaving pain and agony.. i surely am sad of it.

But then i forced my self to read until the last part of the book. I am left with an option. To love. What suffocates you, i interpret and understood, is that there is actually so much love but then you tend to grasp it. not live with it..

i don’t know. It is so upsetting..

but then again a cup of tea is always sweet and bitter altogether.. I enjoyed another cup of tea.. i guess.

strange title rite? i suppose so.. but go on, keep reading.

well, here’s the thing. I just finished watching the movie must love dogs again. Actually it’s between a battle with serendipity. I don’t know which one to watch first, cause both movies has John Cusack in it and i loooove him oh so much. heheh..

And so, i ended watching must love dogs coz thre’s a bonus of Dermot Mulroney there. I love Dermot to from the movie my best friens wedding, thought the ending of the movie still is an asthma for my soul.. it’s just.. you’ve told him and it didn’t happen.. but then in must love dogs too Dermot Mulroney is a pain. Anyway though both of them are cute, i choose Cusack. He’s the man who makes the girl feel special and fall. he’s even got that sentimental heart… ooh. i do so love him sooooo sooo very much.

haaaih.

Now the thing about bip. i went to Bandung last sunday with my  sister and cousins. on monday after a very long day we went to bip in the evening. walking and walking and walking killed our foot so we went to the supermarket to buy a bottle of water and sat on the bench. the three of of us took off our shoes and turned on our mp3’s and of course listen to music.

I was listening to moonlight kiss by Bap Kennedy, the ost from the movie serendipity. And then my sisiter looked and start saying "makan tuh gengsi"

we spoke again about that stupid silly boy. i don’t know when its gonna be over. i am over him. there i’ve said it. or maybe mostly over him? 98% is for sure.

and so the thing is, i’m glad i sat down when my cousin spoke these words to me. "but dimple you never tried tyo make a change. you didnt have guts to see your happy ending. you kept your gengsi and there it goes. no endings for you, you will never get over it, you dont know the ending"

glegh. True enough. i guess she’s right, i made my own beggining, how it goes and how it ends without letting chances to make changes.

my god. i didnt have the guts and so this is the ending i chose. it could have been different.. could it be better or worse i will never know. and i still am not sure about my guts even time ws turned back.

Soo.. i didnt let the chances make the change.

you did?

Pengalaman bukanlah apa yang dialami seseorang,melainkan apa yang dilakukan seseorang terhadap apa yang terjadi pada dirinya.
-taken from"half full-half empty" by Parlindungan Marpaung-

I’ve heard many wonderful words. magical ones. about life,living and loving.. baru ajaa iseng buka buku yang ada di depan mata, dan halaman yang berisi kata-kata itu muncul..
And it’s true.. thank god I have an excited soul.. which makes me full of little, yet magical, expiriences.

ATTITUDE MATTERS!

Ladies and gentlemen. you know its true.. add the words and see it making 100% in life! no matter how clever you are, or how handsome you may be.. not having attitude is simply minus.

ps: it deals with me too *sigh*

Attitude relates to on how we think and act on what life turn to be. Always try to be positive.

As always:
‘WHAT YOU SEE iS WHAT YOU BELIEVE"

meaning:

1. you belive something after you see it
2. it’s because you believe in that, thats why you see it.

I trust myself in number two. Picturing the succes is what those big guys did. they have the attitude and that way of thinking.. they believe the succes and they see it.

two inspiring people told me:

it’s good that you are clever, but it’s better if you are lucky
it’s good that you are lucky, but its better if you are creative
its good when you are creative, but it’ better when you do it with might
it’s good when you do it with might, but its better, or yet the best when you do something whole heartedly..

Just let go. the universe has it’s own magic powers..

btw: I’m starting to read "the worlsd in my absence"
i’ll tell you bout that.

1. This morning, while hearing to that radio *its wednesday, sigh..* I went blank.That stupid thought came. He said he love me, i said i need a day. and guess what i only cried. and kaboom! i reach the school.

WOW!

2. I had a wonderful evening today. Me, mommy and sneha went together. After saxophone classes (hello there windy!) i went to sarinah. We had Burger King, nyummy!! =p then starbucks.

Actually the reason was that i wanted to know whats jazz nite at starbucks, i was always curious bout that, and today i managed to fulfill my curiosity.

I heard jazzy songs and again my imagination dances wildly to the swing and jazzy mood.

Under the full moon.
The sound of saxophone filled the air, it’s just a simple dance.. a simple smile.. and a simple love. The black gown twirls the stars.. the key, turqoise in colour with shades of purple beats along with my heart.. it’s beautiful.. The stars and moon was in love too. In love with life. and smilingto us. To me and the one with the black.

I love dreaming.. but. Not now. Not when i’ve put the full stop. No matter what.. I enjoyed.. and i will now fade out, gently.. not trying to shatter the pieces..

3. Pelajaran bahasa

True enough. As always, language makes me tangled in my own self.

Disuruh bikin analogi,. and guess what?! I made it about love. *sigh*
I willl someday be an edelweiss.. hugging together in the field. the wind may blow, the rain may pour and yet it’s love which turns the world upsidedown.. and it’s perfect in it’s own way.

*muach*
That is my kiss for love. thanks!

(mohon maap, mood sedang gak menentuadanya.. postingannya jadi gini juga.)

In my teary mode somehow..

I travel my day alone. Going by bus and walking gives me space to think.

Mommy’s Ring

Try this. make a fist, your thumb can still rise on it’s own, the the index stood high, the pointer points, the little finger wiggles.. you’ve heard this i guess.. thats why the wedding ring is placed on that finger.. it somehow could not stand on it’s own, or painful when it can. it shows that you need the couple.

I simply made a tought: why dont we have a ring for mommy on that finger. I found te answer in silence.

Mommy’s love doesn’t need the ring.. it is the circle and the finger it self. I can neever imagine my life without her..
she may never be the ring in my finger.. but, no one can take her place as the diamond in my heart. which simply stays..

I love you mom.

I’ve been crying lately.. for sentimental and stupid reasons..

it’s true for some who knows that my simcard is missing.. but then.. still i have some kind of a feeling that makes me sort of sensitive and because of that i feel like crying..

I talked andd remembered about my past lately.. my childhood life. I’m content. Although it’s always up and down and i cried tears of joy and grieve..
I miss my old little home. It’s sold to I don’t know who.. It was built for my family.. for me.. there’s been to many memories.. And sometime i feel like my heart is not enough to keep them..

So many things, ideas, people influenced me.. I feel moulded in my rigid. I do feel driven, but yet I’m the captain.

I want the rain. It washes every thing.. It brings me life..

I said a few words to my friend today.. (almost crying now)

‘ i lost once and got the second, i lost the second and found the third. The thirds gone. For now: dont expect me to see the fourth!!"

..posted in a teary mode..

I will always try not to post the first few lines of my blog with the words saying that i alays intended to write eveyday.. the fact is i dont. but thenn..

And so, Ive been crying. my sim card’s gone.. I know i wouldn’t also be able to stand if i lose anything for an exchang that my sim-card would be back.. but then..

HWAAA.

though itreminds me of my uncle.. he always tell me not to have any attachments on anything.. but yet.. when you least expect it it happens..

I was in love with somebody.. no matter how many time i tell my self to walk out of that.. it’s going to be a hard relationship anyay.. but then i now know why. I’ not ready for another thing, i loved the imagination of my ’somebody’.. he is real yet untouchable.. but when i am able to touch it, i back off. i reember the box.. it keeps the shattered pece of me which once was beautiful.. it’s now becoming wisdom.

I love having sombody to be loved or admired.. but then.. when i start having attachments on it, true for the imagination of that perfect so

wanna know why i wrote parachute as the title? cuz we are one..
we are like the parachute.. easly blown off.. to somewhere we never know..

I guess that happens to our mind.. when we free fall or in this case take a decision blind-foldedly.. our mind than fears that it’s going to land up somewhere unknown.. whichthe fact is. never gonna know whats gonna hapen next rite? you set a goal, but then the wind(someone) blows it off.. could be better.. or most likely worst(that’s the first thing came on our mind rite?!). Better comes afterwards…

Butthen how long can you stand it? the mind would say never.. but or heart, i guess loves the thrill..thats why, again i guess, we repeat the stupid things over and over.

But what i wanna say is the best things from a parachute. to open the parachute or mind is already one big step. a brave one. then to let it fall is one more brave thing.to be able not to regretis one thing we could have cherished..

so be happy parachute. you may have the wind controlling.. but i’s again you thoughts and actions that matters..

*****************************************************************************

i just now read something from the readers digest. its an ad fro MARRIOT. read "sometimes your best decisions aren’t made in the board room bla2 (telling also about the hotels lux)… thats why we believe: "when you’re comfortable you can do anything"

the sentence got to me. Deeply.. I guess, you’re not comfy yet rite guys?!

CHEERS, HAVE A GREAT LIFE PEOPLE!

pas istirahat kedua tadi gw ke perpustakaan.. ceitanya mau nyari buku UUD untuk lomba cerdas-cermat UUD45 di gedung MPR nanti.. halah!

tapi tadi pas masuk perpustakaan, ada aura yang berbeda. hati kecil gw pun bilang "stay a bit  longer please, you know you want to"
bener banget.. gw udah lama banget ga spend quality time with the library.
i remember those days when i used to stay there for hours and hours… i found my soul. i knew what i wanted. i knew lots. i wasn’t afraid. Today i felt although the library called me, it is also showing its anger.. or disappointment maybe.. i’ve been neglecting my other side of me.. the books that i saw today made  me want to read them all.. Usually they’ll say.." take your time. i’ll wait for my turn" today it’s as if every book is laughing at me while telling me that i’ll never be able to know them, and it’s going to be me who’ll regret it…

Oh no. i miss my library.the old fashioned smell of the books. the books in the corner where nobody would touch except me.. and i would be the queen of letters they praise.. me and my imagination. full of fantasy and passion. i can even say those books play with me…

the days would never come back. i know i can still change it now. but obligaton or other responsibilities will tell me as if i’m running from them.

my books be patient. i’ll be back.

baru aja ditelpon anti.
kayaknya mu jalan lagi nii…
beberepa mingu belakangan gw lagi sering2nya jalan bareng anak2 tapi malem gtu.. semua lagi serabutan diluar.. satu sms: jalan yok?! dan hasilnya dalam kuranglebih 1 jam kita dah nongkrong. ga peduli naik apa, pulang gimana ataw mau ngapain. megang 15rbu gw dah aman hahaha!

assik, bakal ketemu lagi! berarti bnyak cerita2 nii. penegn cerita ttg kebodohan kemarin. kesepatan yang sia2. hwaaa!

so.. everybody. another friends outing. pdahal badan gw remuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuk! cape.

hwwwa. seriously ini longweekend dimana gw ga tidur. what a waste.